Cooking was a passion now it gives me anxiety
Hey. So, I can’t go through another night of crying at the dinner table. Two weeks ago I got slammed with a double diagnosis.
1) You have celiac disease avoid gluten and make an appointment with a nutritionist.
2) you have swollen optic nerves caused by psuedo tumor cerebri aka I have too much
cerebrospinal fluid due to being overweight and it’s putting pressure on my optic nerves. For the first week i was amazed to not be running out of meetings to the nearest restroom. I felt so much better and started losing weight immediately so huzzah no big deal right? Fast forward to this week and I’m trying so hard to not lose it at every meal. I hate the way my coworkers look at me while I check the label of every single ingredient at provided meals.
I hate not being able to eat a meal without my phone so I can look up every single ingredient. I hate that my kids don’t understand why I’ve become neurotic about food. I hate that the fact that they want biscuits makes me cry. I hate this! One tiny slip up and I feel like I have the flu coupled with weird allergic reactions. It seems like I have to hold it together for everyone else. I keep saying everything is fine but it isn’t. I’m mad that I don’t know how to make Christmas cookies with my mom this year or cupcakes for my son’s class party. I can’t make my favorite bread. I can’t even cook for myself let alone my family. Even the “safe” recipes I know have gluten hidden in them. My entire life I’ve spent baking. Baking was the first thing I learned to do in the kitchen and now it’s all upside down.
I’ve always loved to cook and it’s always been a bonding experience with my family and now it just gives me anxiety that I can’t express because I don’t want to upset them by being upset. I keep telling myself it’s an opportunity to learn a new style of cooking and baking but it doesn’t make me feel any better or resolve that the idea of cooking dinner just about gives me a panic attack. TL:DR cooking was a passion now it gives me anxiety and I feel like I can’t tell my family I’m freaking out because I don’t want them to worry.