Today has been so slow and draining.
I think I need to vent and find support. I am having such a hard time with this new transition of my life. I’ve been waiting over a month for my biopsy on the 1st. Im ready to just cancel because I’m kind of terrified to be sedated and the more I think about it I feel crazy. Today has been so slow and draining. I feel sick all the time, some things upset my stomach more than others, ultimately by the end of each day I just feel icky. Maybe I’m just feeling more down tonight because I haven’t eaten today but the last time I ate I was icky all night long, I just want to sleep through the night. I have no intetest, complete lack of appetite for the last week. I have had to force myself to eat, I don’t even want junk food like ice ream or kettle cooked chips, I don’t want anything at all, none of my usual cravings are even present for several weeks. I can’t keep doing this but I’m miserable if I eat, I’m miserable if I dont. I’ve been dealing with so many tests and figuring everything out, so many symptoms constantly for so many years, I just need this to be over. My gameplan isn’t even certain currently. One step at a time? Im realising how angry I actually am to not have been taken seriously as a teenager. I don’t even know who I am if I’m not sick, I’ve constantly been dealing with something for nearly 15 years. I feel like being sick has made it impossible to even identify who I really am at this point in my life. I’m 24 years old and I feel like I’m having a huge crisis that no one else understands or even can see how big this is for me. I finally have answers but at the same time I have no idea what the hell is going on? Similar feelings from anyone else? Looking for support, I don’t want anymore “this is what you have to do” talk, all of this is too overwhelming because Idk how to live a normal life let alone do the right thing for my body, apparently it’s been trying to hurt itself my whole life and I didn’t know. Can I even trust it at this point.